Musings # 11: Yoda, Peacemaker

Filed Under Musings

I was reading Wookipedia the other day- the Star Wars Wiki that some of you are hearing about for the first time and are now beginning to doubt the existence of, but I have proof- and I read that the reason Yoda was in tight with the wookies was because he had negotiated a truce between the wooks and the trandoshians- those alligator-skinned slavers represented by the bounty hunter Boskk in ‘Empire’ and the Mattel action figures line.
 
Now this was interesting to me because if you know anything about trandosians it’s that they are badass wookie-pelt collecting motherfuckers. I couldn’t imagine a deal Yoda could make with them that didn’t end with them getting more wookie pelts, but then it came to me that maybe Yoda isn’t the tiny green Ghandi we take him for. Maybe Yoda had to go a little Scarface on the lizardfolk to make his point. That led to the possibility of what a Yoda strong-arm job would sound like. I think it would go something like this:  
 

 “Sign the treaty you bitches will, and grateful you will be. Fucking around you think I am? Fucking around do I look like?” (Force chokes one of the ambassadors to death) “Leaving here with signed treaty or new luggage I will be. Now fucking it you will sign!” (Ambassadors sign treaty) “Good bitches. My coat bring me. Back here I don’t want to come have to. (snaps fingers to Jedi posse) Roll now we will.”

Also, Flash Fiction Contest Epsilon is still underway- the topic is Sex, the guidelines are on the Guidelines page, so write entries you will!

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Comments

One Response to “Musings # 11: Yoda, Peacemaker”

  1. D.S. Knight on May 3rd, 2008 6:04 pm

    Shouldn’t that be,

    “So write fucking entries you will!”

    to be a little more with the topic?

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