Soylent Screen: Dawns of the Deads

Filed Under Zombies, Soylent Screen, Jef Taylor, 61307 | 1 Comment

SS-smaill

Staggering towards me, their faces bloodless blue or red with gore, the lifeless creatures moaned in misery.  Arms held outward, fingers sticky and sharp, they wanted to feast on my brains or spool my intestines out.  They wanted to tear the humanity from me, to make me one of them, to join them in their joyless shambling. 

That’s the last time I admit to George Romero fans that I preferred the remake of Dawn of the Dead to the original.

Jef Taylor is a film lover and naturalist.

Turbo Tagger

The Incident at The Murfreesboro Public Library

Filed Under BBT Magazine, Earl B Morris, 61307, librarians, libraries, prostatitus | 2 Comments

From the Desk of Earl B Morris

We stopped in the library for a brief respite on our way home because it is often uncrowded and the smell eases her sciatica. We no sooner arrived than we were harassed by a librarian in a manner so very unbecoming of a woman of her status in the community that my grannu burst into tears and hit her over the head knocking her unconscious.

It happened thusly:

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Unwashed People Who Are Behaving Poorly with Slouches, by Ada Morris

Filed Under BBT Magazine, Zombies, 61307 | 1 Comment

Hello good friends and I am sorry I have no time for friendly discussion as we do so much enjoy but things seem to be very peculiar around here and well I am sure we are all being kept veyr busy.

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Boom Boom: I don’t know HOW to fashion crude weapons…!

Filed Under Zombies, what do categories matter now in the end of days, 61307 | 6 Comments

I don’t know if anyone out there is reading this. I don’t know if there’s anyone out there to read it. God almighty, I dont’ know what’s happening. This is terrible. this is terrifying. I don’t want to die. If you’re reading this, you know what’s happened, you know that the dead have risen up, the DEAD HAVE RISEN UP, and they are walking the earth.

I don’t know what to do. Is it safe here? My apartment is on the third floor of the building, am I safe? Will the zombies figure out how to get in, and if they do, will they figure out how to get up here? My door is thick and dead-bolted, does that protect me? God, I don’t know. I don’t know how smart they are, but I’m terrified. I have no weapons. I have a knife in a drawer, a big one, and I own a copy of Gigli, but is that enough? I DON’T KNOW.

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Blow On It: Why Wont This Friggin’ Thing Auto-Reload?

Filed Under BBT Magazine, Zombies, Video Games, Blow On It, 61307 | 4 Comments

Blow on it

I’ve learned a few things about myself and the world today that challenge my previous reality. I’ve learned that A: zombies are filled with maggots and black ichors and B: screw guns and find yourself a sharp pointed stick and a blunt instrument. 

Why not a gun? Because everything you learned, or thought you learned about shooting them from playing video games is totally wrong. After all the talk of “murder simulators” over the years I figured, hell, I must be a deadly killing machine. I should head down to the RMV and license myself as a deadly weapon. I beat Gordon, like, one hundred billion to one in a mano y mano match of Halo. I was convinced that after so many hours of killing hookers and grammas in GTA that I was fully equipped and capable of becoming an angel of death and destruction if only I could put down Earth Defense Force 2017, this bowl of Cheetos, and remember to take my asthma medication. In a word? No.  

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The Deconstructionist: New World Odor

Filed Under BBT Magazine, Zombies, The Deconstructionist, 61307 | 1 Comment

Final-Logo

Time to be a Hero or a Meal.
 
The zombies are coming and they are just awful.
 
But you know that. Assuming the power is still on where you are (not guaranteed, someone may be using the last seconds of their cell phone wireless internet service to check out BBT) you have seen the news, or, more likely, you have seen the fires, heard the explosions, enjoyed a front row seat for the sudden decline. You have also seen the dead. You know that they walk - but not too quickly, so that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is that they hunger, and not for processed foods, not for the stuff of agriculture—unless the last few thousand years of civilization could be called such: Humans coming up for the grim harvest that has just begun.
 

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