Captain America, Where Are You? You Have Broken My Great Aunt Ada’s Heart, You Sonofabitch!

Filed Under BBT Magazine, BBT, Earl B Morris, Captain America, The European Agenda, NAFTA, The Puritanical Work Ethic | 7 Comments

From The Office of Earl B Morris
A few days ago, my Grannu (as she is called) became agitated and began mashing buttons on the television remote controller, mumbling incoherently to herself about the dead Captain America’s arrest. I thought perhaps she had mistakenly eaten eggplant, which she is horribly allergic to and was having some sort of reaction.

After drawing her a bubble bath, and calming her down with the aid of a half a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps, I made my way to my Compumax and mashed the Google button, being sure to include the words “Captain,” “America,” and “Arrest” in the block marked Search.

What I found disgusted and confused me:

Clearly the “Man of Iron,” as he is called, is not dead at all, as believed, but has been brainwashed by an anti-American (or perhaps even European) agenda - an agenda designed to bring our Greatest American Hero to his knees through the sinfully alluring social structure so prevalent in states other than those united in which we stand, indivisible, under god.

Unlike most of the singled-toothed, banjo playing, inbred rednecks that live in my hometown of Murfreesboro, Tennessee, I abhor stereotypes, but there are a few obvious connections here I think we need to make in order to get the big political picture.

To begin with, through a clearly Irish subversion of some sort he was forced to become inebriated, thereby losing his typical quiet reserve. Once sufficiently drunk he began groping women in a decidedly Italian fashion, and drawing attention to the burrito hidden in his musky tights. I don’t need to point to the obvious Spanish/Columbian agenda there do I? In the final Coup De Gras, he was found to have Marijuana in his boot.

Marijuana.

Anyone who’s ever spent any time “over the pond” knows the obvious connection between The French and Marijuana.

With a heavy heart I removed all of my aunt Ada’s Captain America posters from her bedroom walls, and euthanized her hamster, Bucky.

Gone is the American hero
(Seen here with The Human Spider, and Vice President Emerald Nixon)
And in his place the Europeanized shadow of a man.
The melting pot has shat on you Mr. America.
The melting pot has shat on you.

-Earl







Turbo Tagger

Life in other places

Filed Under Jennifer Anniston, Geeks, BBT, My Great Aunt, Sheep, Scones | 5 Comments

Alien LandscapeUnless you’ve been hidden under a rock or sequestered in an outpatient lead chelation clinic (what can I say, I like the taste) you’ve heard that there’s another planet out there that may harbor the conditions that lead to life. Mainly, water. In all it’s liquid glory.

The planet, which was given some scientific designation but which I’ll call ArsGeekLand is big. Not just in size, but in meaning. This thing on which we’d experience about 1.6 Gs, has a 13 day year as it hurtles around a red dwarf star. Sure, the stars a bit dimmer and well, red, but the planet is in the sweet spot, so to speak, where life as we know it may be more possible. And where is that? Anywhere where liquid water could exist.

Astronomers and other folks with PhD’s and research appointments are theorizing that the ground temperature on ArsGeekLand is between 0 and 40 degrees Celsius. This means that if water’s present, it’s probably sloshing around quite a bit. And this is good for all kinds of things like amino acids circulating around, single cell life forms and possibly even cost-accountants.

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The Deconstructionist: Black Hole Con 2007

Filed Under Uncategorized, BBT Magazine, Science Fiction, The Deconstructionist, Movies, the black Hole, Disney, Tron | 6 Comments

Final-Logo

In, through… and beyond.

 It’s spring and for me that means it’s time to get ready for that other con in San Diego—the annual Black Hole con at the Howard Johnson’s Ballroom off of Route 4. Here, every year since 1989, Black Hole fans from all over the world get together to enjoy, reminisce and discuss Disney’s 1979 sci-fi epic The Black Hole.

I’m certain you all remember The Black Hole – even if you pretend not to or have repressed the memory:

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The Pantheon of Super-Heroes, part 3

Filed Under BBT Magazine, Writing, CBLDF, Comic Books, Graphic Novel, Captain America, Pete Tzinski, Boom-Boom | 3 Comments

Boom Boom

Hiro. The bestest hero.This is the third, and final, part of my prattle on super-heroes and comic books. Mostly because I expect sooner or later, someone’s going to get sick of listening to be go on and on about them. There goes any of my street cred. This also means next week, I have to think of something different. Ye gads.

The final thing I want to talk about is history, and time traveling in comic books, something that people (the comic writers themselves included) spend a great deal of time being concerned about, and with good reason.

It had been on my mind, but I hadn’t clearly quantified it as something I could talk about, until tonight when Heroes returned on NBC. (I know it returned, because NBC spent the past two weeks telling me how wonderful it was, and how returningly it was returning).

When Heroes first started, I really didn’t enjoy it. I spent each episode being dissatisfied with things, I spent an hour or so after each episode complaining and re-writing it in my head. I just didn’t like them, though I kept tuning in each week. Now, as we approach the end of the first season, I’m excited to watch the episodes and enjoying them no end, and happily waiting for the next one.

I do believe part of the reason for this is time. Time has passed, the story has gotten underway, there is a history to the show now (albeit a small one) and a weight to the world, and these lend the stories themselves a certain amount of depth and magnetism.

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The Pantheon of Super-Heroes Part 2

Filed Under Uncategorized, Comic Books | Leave a Comment

Boom-BoomOne of the trickiest thing to balance in a super-hero comic book is keeping your character toeing the fine line between being mythic and being human.

Super-heroes, in many ways, are just the next evolutionary step in a long chain of mythic creations, after all. They are what our society has given us as an answer to our lives and times, just as Homer’s Odysseus and his adventures were what were needed in ancient Greece.

Odysseus is a wonderful example of a super-hero from ages past, in that he carried on with many adventures, some of them rather extreme and difficult to believe. He was mythic in the same way that Hercules was, and in very much the same way that Iron Man’s Tony Stark is today. (After all, Odysseus had something of a penchant for wine, women, and song; there is one piece in, if I recall properly, the Illiad when Odysseus finds his crew imprisoned by a beautiful woman. So he lives with her and drinks her wine and eats her food and has lots of sex with her for a year before he finally sets his crew free. That has Tony Stark written all over it.)

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The Deconstructionist: Death and Taxes

Filed Under Uncategorized, Angst, The Deconstructionist, Taxes, Vonnegut | Leave a Comment

Final-Logo

Helping You Choke Down Your Annual Blue Pill since 2007

If you’re anything like me, it’s been less than 48 hours since you mailed your taxes. Maybe you like to make the IRS get all suited up in their riot gear before giving them what they want. Maybe if we’re lucky, putting that stuff on and taking it off will lead to some chafing in a few sensitive areas, and that will be our payback. Of course being a government agency, it would be months or even years before the IRS missed the money we were supposed to pay them, if in fact like me you needed to pay them. If instead they owe you, then you just made an interest-free loan to the United States government, and I’m certain that congress appreciates it and they were extra careful to be sure your money went to sensible, responsible causes that you agree with.

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